


a very vampiric valentine’s day

by scudfrohmeyer



Series: the beauty and the himbo [2]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Human/Vampire Relationship, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Porn With Plot, Top Guillermo (What We Do in the Shadows TV), Valentine’s Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:21:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24385000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scudfrohmeyer/pseuds/scudfrohmeyer
Summary: it’s valentine’s day and nandor decides to surprise his familiar
Relationships: Guillermo/Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)
Series: the beauty and the himbo [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761802
Comments: 14
Kudos: 112





	a very vampiric valentine’s day

It was the day before Valentine’s Day.

Nandor and Guillermo had spent three weeks dancing around serious conversation, avoiding acknowledging the scene in the rain. He couldn’t bring himself to think about what led him to doing what he’d done, what led him to think that was something that vampires could do with their familiars. There had to be a rule, some obscure one that the Vampiric Council had neglected to mention. Probably because it was common sense, any vampire that didn’t have Swiss cheese for a brain was aware that a relationship between a vampire and their familiar was off limits.

Most vampires saw their familiars as lessers, it only made sense that the rule would never need to be explicitly mentioned. However, Nandor was now in the thick of it, every single time he saw Guillermo he thought of how he regretted not going further that night. Just embracing him, at the time it was more than words could express but in hindsight he’d wanted more. All he could do was try to imply to him that he liked what they’d done, just avoiding actually saying the words “I want to be yours.”

The romance in the air, the disgustingly red and pink nature of the entire holiday, it only made him endlessly play that moment on repeat. It didn’t help watching his housemates prepare for their festivities.

He has watched Laszlo go into frenzies to make sure his gifts and plans for himself and Nadja were absolutely perfect. The way he spoke about ruining Valentine’s Day, the dedication to getting everything right, it was like he was planning the two-person orgy he’d made that stupid speech about.

Nandor watched Laszlo gather some packages he had Guillermo ordered from the Amazon, things that had arrived much faster than seemed possible. He used an ornate knife to cut the stack of boxes open, and carefully removed the contents of each. Candles, red ropes, all the sort of things he expected. One thing fascinated him—a bag holding the petals of roses, all perfectly preserved like they were just plucked from the flower.

He picked it up, smelling the bag and finding no odour, nothing to indicate they were rose petals. Without question, he ripped the bag open, sending rose petals flying. They floated down beautifully, coating the parlour in red. When he plucked one up from his lap, it felt thin and scratchy like those cheap capes he’d too often fallen for at Halloween shops.

“Someone’s taken me for a ride,” Laszlo grimaced, ripping one of the rough petals in half. It didn’t tear as easily as it should have, which cemented to him that he’d been played for a sucker. “I purchased a set of 100 rose petals to pour onto the floor, Nadja loves rolling in petals during our lovemaking, but I’ve been sold plastic!”

“The Amazonian has swindled you!” Nandor was appalled, and Guillermo had been the one to buy these, he should have noticed if they were fake while he was looking at the Amazon’s market. He didn’t know if Guillermo had also been tricked, or if he simply bought what was cheapest. Either way, he brought himself up from the sofa and glided through a pile of plastic rose petals to his familiar’s room. Any excuse to go and see him.

“Guillermo, I need you to send a letter to the Amazon! They sold deceptive plastic that looked like the petals of roses and I am not happy about it!” He pushed past the curtain, letting light into his otherwise dim room.

He was lying down, nose buried into a book and unaware of Nandor looming over him. Humans seemed to not be as perceptive as vampires, especially not when they were reading…

“ _ Love in Vein? _ What is that?” He asked, his scolding voice got his attention quickly. He dropped the book and stood up, adjusting his glasses back on his blushing face.

“Oh, it’s nothing, Master. Just a book.” He picked it up to put it back in his bookshelf, but Nandor stopped him, taking it from his grip and reading over the back. In spaced letters, the contents of the book were described as “vampire erotica.” Guillermo watched him open to his dog-eared page, a scandalised look pulling his features as he read the pornography. He was thankful Guillermo didn’t notice how his loins were stirring at the description of a vampire undressing a younger man, one who had dreamt of being like him since he was young.

He slapped the book from Nandor’s grip, a completely unconscious movement that he only recognised once it was too late. Guillermo stared up at him with wide, mortified eyes, his palm stinging and his mind racing. His master’s eyebrow raised, shocked at such defiance; though, he found himself slightly thrilled at Guillermo’s reaction.

“ _ Ergh, _ you’re getting a demerit point for that.” Nandor looked down at the book splayed open on the floor and grabbed it up, gently tapping it against his forehead. “And I’m taking your pornography book!”

Guillermo groaned, though the look of ruddy embarrassment hadn’t left his cheeks. He sat down on his bed and quietly whispered “ _ mierde _ ” to himself in quick repetition.

——

Nandor flipped through every story over the course of the night, reading each novella contained within. He was shocked at the thought of Guillermo reading naughty vampire stories when he should have been assisting with Valentine’s Day plans. It reminded him that Guillermo would have the day off, and he wondered if he’d be doing anything for the holiday.

Did Guillermo have a date? He must have, he never saw him until the morning after Valentine’s. Nandor put the book back down on the dining room table, and felt a presence standing behind him.

“Go away, Colin Robinson, I’m not in the mood.” He looked back to the energy vampire standing in the doorway.

“I sensed that you were distressed and thought I’d have a little midnight snack. But hey, what’s goin’ on, buddy?” He sat down beside Nandor, getting a long, exhaustive sigh out of him.

He slid the book away from Colin Robinson’s view, taking away that bit of fuel.

“I know you don’t care what I’m thinking about Colin Robinson, please go away.” He dismissed him, though he just wouldn’t leave Nandor to his thoughts.

“I’ve been trying to find the right cologne for my hot date tomorrow night. What do you think of this one?” He held out his wrist for Nandor, who jerked away and shook his head.

He took the book back out, deciding to read over the story that Guillermo had bookmarked once again. The vampire and the human didn’t actually have sex, which he expected from the story.

“Reading Guillermo’s books again? I’ve read them a couple of times, I don’t think I’m the only one who’s caught onto his vampire fetish.” He chuckled. “I can’t imagine it’d be easy for him to have sex with, let’s say you—you’d crush him easily.”

Nandor looked over at him, scowling. “Don’t say things like that, Colin Robinson! He’s my familiar, not my squishy human plaything!”

Colin Robinson stood up, his eyes starting to reflect a supernatural blue. “And he’s a virgin, I doubt you could resist biting into him. Anyway, see you later, dude!”

He didn’t watch him leave, but he heard him start to pursue Nadja with a “hey, did you hear the rats downstairs last night? Hope we don’t have structural damage…” before he’d trailed out. He could only picture Nadja pulling up her skirts and racing away, yelling for Laszlo to come and distract Colin Robinson.

Nandor left the room, angsting over the disrespect he’d just been dealt.

Guillermo wouldn’t want to have sex with him, Colin Robinson was just trying to get to him. But, it wouldn’t exactly be a bad idea to go ask him what he was doing tomorrow. He didn’t want his familiar getting into trouble on his day off, when he couldn’t watch him. It wouldn’t come off as anything other than a simple question. It had nothing to do with his fascination with the idea of being with him, not at all. Nor with the sudden realisation that Guillermo wasn’t an asexual being.

He found him dusting the stair’s bannister, saying nothing to Nandor despite the fact that he  _ knew  _ he’d seen him. Nandor stood at the bottom of the stairs, clearing his throat before he fully grasped his attention.

“Hello, Master.” He said, his voice slightly shaky, and he walked down the steps to him.

“What are you doing tomorrow, Guillermo?” Nandor watched him try to come up with some response, though he didn’t think much of it.

“Oh, nothing fun, Master. I don’t really like Valentine’s Day, so no romantic plans if that’s what you were—”

“ _ Good _ ! Very good, Guillermo.” He smiled, which made his familiar quirk his eyebrow.

“Why, do you need me for something tomorrow?” His tone matched his expression, though he tried to sound as positive and unassuming as he possibly could.

Nandor knew he couldn’t reveal that he was planning a secret, even if he’d only just then decided he was going to do something for him tomorrow. For a moment he wondered if it was better to completely forget about this newborn idea, just let Guillermo do whatever he was going to do while he drowned out the sounds of Nadja and Laszlo having loud sex above him. But he decided he was going to commit to the idea.

“I might require you for something tomorrow night, but we’ll see.” Nandor quickly left after that, deciding to avoid his reaction entirely. He’d see if Guillermo would come to him tomorrow. It was all in his hands now.

——

Nandor decided that the best course of action was to surprise Guillermo in bed. Well, he hadn’t decided that himself, instead his housemates made a point to tell him that’s what he’d appreciate the most. He pulled the petals of plastic roses out of the garbage bin, grabbed half-melted candles from the candelabras, and “borrowed” an expensive massage oil from Laszlo and Nadja’s room. His only issue was that he wasn’t sure what to wear. Either he could wear something billowy and Victorian, playing into his familiar’s love of that Antonio Banderas man, or he could wear nothing at all.

Maybe he wanted to leave something to the imagination.

He threw on one of his old red coats that he rarely wore, it looked too romantic to pair with his brutalist wardrobe. But, when he wore one of Laszlo’s frilled Victorian blouses with it, per his and Nadja’s advice, it looked much more natural.

“No, you need to unbutton the top four buttons, that will entice him. Here, take that stupid bun out of your hair.” Nadja stood up on her tiptoes to remove his hair from its tie, to which it fell into his face, obscuring all but his nose.

“Oh, well, perhaps the bun is the best.” She put it back into its normal styling, fluffing the rest out.

“Are we certain about the duck mask? I say, the anonymity might make it all the more  _ sexsual _ ,” Laszlo chimed in while Nandor pulled at the crotch of his skin-tight trousers. Somehow he felt more undressed than he had in his dildo suit.

“No, Laszlo! Ducks are horrible rapists!” She argued back. “We don’t want little Gizmo to think he’s about to be taken advantage of by a duck!”

Nandor wanted to argue back that he would be able to differentiate between himself and a duck, but he certainly didn’t like imagining walking into his own bedroom and finding a duck dressed to look like a Victorian lover man.

“Did you know that female ducks have evolved to prevent attacks from male ducks? Their anatomy develops in the opposite direction—” Colin Robinson began, having been surprisingly silent for most of the process.

“Stop it, Colin Robinson! I can feel my ovaries shrivelling by the second!” Nadja grimaced at him, before huffing and turning her attention back to Nandor. “Just forget about the duck penises, 

Laszlo started to once again ask if Nandor was certain he didn’t want a strap on or any kind of assistance. When that was rejected, Colin Robinson decided to chime in once again.

“I’m surprised you’re going straight into the hanky-panky, wasn’t your last time with a human back with your thirty-seven wives? Maybe you’d want to work up to that, buddy.” He said, preparing for Nadja and Laszlo to rip him a new one. To no one’s surprise, they did.

While Laszlo insisted that his three-hundred plus years with his good lady wife all started with them as horny strangers, Nandor slipped out of the room and approached Guillermo’s.

He wished he had a door, if anything actually happened between them tonight he was certain that the curtain wouldn’t dampen any noise. But, if nothing happened, there was no reason to worry. He took the last few plastic rose petals and scattered them on Guillermo’s worryingly small bed.

Nandor lied down on the bed, resting on his side and posing the way he’d seen on the cover of one of Guillermo’s vampire books. When he had Laszlo demonstrate how he’d look on the bed when Guillermo entered the room, he was certain that he’d look extremely attractive to his familiar.

He waited, knowing that he’d be home in only a few seconds. The second he heard the front door open, he jumped up, realising he’d forgotten the romantic classical music compilation he found on the YouTubes. It helped to drown out the argument between the others, and helped set the mood that they were somewhere much more romantic than a cramped bedroom underneath the stairs. He set the computer in the corner of the room, hiding it behind some books and pillows so the only light was the candles stacked across the room in the most romantic configuration he could think of. 

His footsteps were unmistakable, he heard Guillermo stop about ten feet away from his room, noticing the dimmed hallway and the trail of phony rose petals. He followed them, and his heart jumped when he realised they stopped outside of his room. Nandor wondered if he’d put the pieces together already, but his heartbeat didn’t indicate whether he knew or didn’t.

The curtain retracted from the doorframe, and his face warmed in the flickering candlelight. His eyes reflected the flames as he fully stepped into the room. Now, Nandor could hear his heart racing.

“I, what, what is all of th—” His expression was far from displeased as he took in the entire room. Nandor enjoyed the curl of his lip when he looked back to him.

“It’s what I needed you for.” He sat up, attempting to slowly draw Guillermo in.

Though, he almost immediately went to the bed, sitting down beside him and trying to mask the extremely unsexy way he was kicking his shoes off. Nandor was surprised at how eager he was, how it seemed like he was half-prepared for all of this. Had he not been as subtle as he thought?

“This is what I think it is, right?” He asked, trying to speak underneath the music. Nandor leaned in carefully, placing a cool hand to his blushing cheek.

It felt like something that would never happen between them. While Nandor had of course had dreams about kissing Guillermo when he drank some bad blood, he never expected them to mean anything other than Guillermo had burned himself into his subconscious. However, he started to have such dreams when he wasn’t feeling unwell, then he started to anticipate those dreams, the feeling they gave him was good in a way he couldn’t explain. Well, maybe it could be explained, he had to masturbate to get rid of any evidence that he awoke from a quite splendid dream. It all culminated into his conscious deciding that he felt something that needed to be acted on. He’d tried to brush it off as just testing that would ultimately lead to him acknowledging there was nothing there, but he did know he wanted it wholeheartedly, because he knew he’d like it.

And the anticipation of the moment he actually touched his lips to Guillermo’s made him hesitate. It came to him that he’d pictured this exact moment a thousand different times, in a thousand different ways, but he never decided which one was the best. He wanted it to feel perfect, every movement to be just what his familiar had no doubt dreamed of himself.

But, Guillermo was the first to it—his arms wrapped round Nandor’s shoulders and he kissed him. He could feel his pulse in his wrists, his senses were overwhelmed as he cupped his shoulder in one hand, his other slithering to his back. The embrace in the rain felt like it had happened years ago, that Nandor hadn’t been touched for ages and this was his first time touching his body to another. Every moment in Guillermo’s arms, his lips pressed to his, everything seemed to become a distant memory. In this very moment, Nandor was experiencing affection for the first time, every time before this had been a mere dream.

His familiar broke them apart, and they watched each other for a moment. It made him worry, utterly panicked that perhaps Guillermo had regretted it. But, his concerns were disproven when he kissed him again. Nandor lowered himself onto the bed, careful to not slam his body down and break the frame.

Guillermo removed his hands from Nandor’s neck, trailing them down his body slowly, terribly slowly. If the candles weren’t making the room boil, his familiar’s excessive body heat was. He had to be careful of his fangs, cautious to not cut Guillermo and send him into a frenzy. It was already so hard to control himself when his blood was coursing down to his most erogenous zone. He was a virgin, yet with how dominant he was becoming, Nandor could scarcely believe that fact; but the warm scent of his blood said it all.

His face was turning a bright red, and Nandor couldn’t stare at him anymore. He pulled Guillermo’s jumper off first, removing it slowly, trailing one hand across his chest and feeling the feverish beat of his heart through his undershirt.

He drew out the process, sliding his hands across his body as he slowly took it off. When he finally removed it, he dropped it off the edge of the bed, pushing his glasses off of his nose. Guillermo matched his pace, leaning back down and unbuttoning Nandor’s blouse in an inhumanely slow fashion. Each touch of heated fingertips to his bare skin was heavenly, even if it made his brain ache just thinking of the word. Guillermo didn’t say anything of his scars, large white streaks of tissue that had never returned to their original state. That little lack of acknowledgement felt comfortable, and he felt safe to close his eyes for a moment.

He pushed the coat and the blouse off, letting them fall into the crevice between Guillermo’s bed and the wall.

“ _ Ahh, _ ” he moaned softly, twitching at the feeling of Guillermo’s lips pressing a brief kiss to his stomach. He hadn’t expected him to be leading, but he couldn’t find a reason to complain. It was rare he got to simply lie back and have things done onto him.

Guillermo sat up, undoing his trousers and sliding them down his thighs. Nandor brought himself upright to grab one of them, grazing his hand upwards and onto his arse. He didn’t anticipate the gesture, though he did enjoy Nandor’s large hands venturing across his body. When his hand did travel back around his thigh, fingers scarcely brushing his cock, Guillermo decided he was done playing.

He unbuttoned Nandor’s trousers and tugged them off, tossing them to the side and allowing circulation once again. The mood changed when he crawled up from between his thighs, searching for something. Nandor tipped his head back and watched him rummage through things.

“ _ Fuck,  _ where’d I put it?” He spoke in a hushed voice, hoping that his master wasn’t losing interest.

Nandor could only listen to his heart race, his mouth watering at the no doubt delicious blood coursing through his system. He’d never tasted it, it was taboo for vampires to drink from their familiars. Though, with what they’ve already done, was blood drinking still so off-limits?

He shook the thought from his mind. He couldn’t let himself think about drinking even a drop of blood from Guillermo, no matter how alluring it was.

“Yes!” He pulled a silver square into Nandor’s view, immediately tearing it with his teeth. His eyes widened, and his fangs prodded into the inside of his lip.

Guillermo shimmied out of his boxers, unveiling a quite nice cock. When his only recent point of comparison was Laszlo’s halfway necrotic appendage, anything was “quite nice” by his standards. But, Guillermo’s was just nice.

Nandor felt a little spark of jealousy, though he didn’t continue to feel that way when Guillermo removed his underwear, and settled back in between his thighs. He pushed Nandor’s legs back slowly, easing him into it. He didn’t need to be eased, but getting to enjoy the sensation of his hands touching more of his body made it worth it. One hand settled at Nandor’s side, while the other held his cock and guided it into his master.

“ _ Ahh, _ ” Guillermo hissed, forgetting how cold Nandor would be. It was a slow process, and he whimpered softly as Guillermo willed himself in. He snaked his arms round his neck, his eyes slowly opening as he started to thrust.

The first movement of his hips got him to whine. Nandor moaned, staring up at Guillermo with a thrilled expression on his face. The mattress began to creak and whine underneath him, his eyes locked on his familiar. He looked down at him, kissing him gently.

Guillermo’s heart jumped when a waltz was interrupted by a Home Depot ad, and Nandor swore when he nearly pulled out. He breathed roughly, touching their foreheads together. His hands reached to pin Nandor’s wrists down above his head, it made him feel vulnerable despite how easily he could overpower his familiar. He arched his lower back and felt a plastic flower petal stuck to his skin. Nandor breathed out in raspy, irregular gasps that make Guillermo’s heart race. 

“You’re alright, right?” He asked, the tip of his nose brushing Nandor’s.

“Y- _ yes,  _ Guillermo,” he moaned, it only encouraged him to speed up. He grunted and Nandor whimpered, no matter what noise he made he sounded like he was in pain, but he nodded at his familiar, encouraging him to keep going.

He nestled his face into Guillermo’s shoulder, clenching his jaw. He didn’t trust himself, not when he was absorbed by the sound of his rushing blood. Nandor linked his ankle with Guillermo’s, his toes curled when he began to pepper kisses down his throat.

Nandor heard him giggle before he gently bit the junction between his neck and shoulder, he dug his nails into his palms and moaned loudly, overpowering the music. Guillermo’s hair was dampened with sweat, his eyes bright and his lips parted as he grunted.

The friction their stomachs made against his cock was causing some deliciously explosive force within him. His legs are drawn up as he starts to feel himself coming undone, and judging by his familiar’s face, he was closing in, too.

“Guillermo, I— _ ah _ !” He whimpered, mouth hanging slightly agape as he spilled his seed over his stomach. Nandor panted, and Guillermo released one of his wrists to push his thigh up, making amazing noises while he slowly began to reach climax.

He used his free hand to grab his arse, his palm slapped against his skin and by his shivering moan, it was going to leave a mark. Nandor lazily kissed down his cheek, his jaw, getting dangerously close to his jugular. Guillermo came before he reached his neck, thrusting into him a few more times to ride out his orgasm. Nandor watched him squeeze his eyes shut, raise his eyebrows, part his lips to silently moan. He was beautiful like that, sweaty hair falling into his red face, almost identical to how he looked that night in the rain.

He lowered himself, lying on top of Nandor and breathing deeply. While Guillermo tried to steady his breathing, he kissed him again, tasting sweat on his familiar’s lips, heat radiating off of him like a wildfire.

They rolled off of each other eventually, their skin unsticking and their limbs untangling. Guillermo tossed the condom in the rubbish and awkwardly pulled his boxers back on while he returned to bed. He fell into Nandor’s arms again, smiling against his lips.

The classical music compilation had faded out into another, one that sounded more modern. He lazily kissed down his throat, and Guillermo’s heart really began to flutter. Cold lips caressing his neck, leaving icy pinpricks that trailed down his jugular. He stopped right over the vein, flicking his tongue across it.

Guillermo pulled his collar down, still reeling over his climax. Nandor can’t take his mind off of what must be the most delicious blood known to man, the only thing that could perfect his already exceeded expectations for the night. His mouth watered, he couldn’t resist.

Nandor kissed his jugular softly, making Guillermo shudder. He looked up at his master, wondering why he didn’t just do it when he knew he could. He pushed his hair out of his face, tucking a long lock behind his ear. His hand lingered on his cheek, the bristles of his beard scratching against his palm. Neither could think of anything to say, all they could manage was half-lidded stares and small smirks.

“Hey hey, you feeling lucky, Nandor?” Colin Robinson’s voice brought their moment to a screeching halt. He was standing in the doorway, pushing the curtain back and peeking in like he was checking up on a child. Nandor looked up at him, brandishing his fangs.

“Go away, Colin Robinson!” They both yelled, getting him to leave with his hands held up to his sides. He presumably made his way upstairs to bother Nadja and Laszlo, who most certainly hadn’t finished with their festivities.

Guillermo smiled when Nandor looked back at him, and while he felt the bitter sting that, once again, he wasn’t going to be turned, he didn’t mind for the time being. He kissed his master once again, happy when he rolled on top of him, grabbing him close.

But Nandor still expected a complaint to be sent to the Amazon tomorrow, once he was done basking in his familiar’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> #nandorisabottom


End file.
